Who said, I cannot get angry, mad or upset? Who can tell me in my face, that I am not allowed to feel or have any type of negative emotion? WEll, guess, what ?
I am just as every other human being in this world, and its no different that my life, be full of highs and lows, and at this time I am in between. It seems, that I have to start accepting several things, that up to now, I have not been able to do, and or deny. Yet, in the end, its either that or I end up groping around blindly, looking for other ways to not face the truth, but I cannot escape the truth!
This past Monday, a friend had invited another friend of mine to a church event, somewhat close by to my new home. Now, what was not told, or foreseen, was that this event was more directed towards latin people. Now, yes, I am latin myself, wether I like it or not is besides the point! I was conceived and born in El Salvador, yet I came to the states legally. And in the end, I cannot say, I know how hard it is to become a US citizen, since I grew up here and all that, yet, in the end, what I hate about my roots, is the fact that any person sees me on the street, a shopping center, or grocery store, and will assume, that I am just like the rest of Illegals invading and coming to this country, for a better life? And the funny thing, is when I have people come up to me, and start talking in some broken spanish english mixture. I just laugh, in their faces, cause, its ridiculous that I am judged by the color of my skin and or general appearance. Then, once I start talking, they do a double take, or even jump in surprise and look at me, as if I were some alien, type person, haha!
Yes, I know english, I can read, write, and speak and have full understanding of it! Then, to see them turn pink, red, purple and blue, just makes my day....But I get frustrated, and I am more americanized than who knows what. Anyway, this event was directed towards those whom have come seeking a better life, and all that, and in the end, I will never forget one thing my mom always told us," Never go to any latin event, at any church, cause you will not be able to get any food!"
Well, we were informed that food was going to be served from 12 noon-3pm...After getting lost ect..we made it there before 2pm...Got that before 2pm!!!!
So, once my daugas hter and I saw them, we were like,:" oh no!", and as we were waiting for my friend this red car pulled up and three latin guys were ogling at the both of us, as if they have never seen a woman and her child before!!! I got so pissed, I almost ran and kicked their car! So they pull up, and this guy gets out and hands me a card, and was talking but I ignored him and made damn sure he did not look or touch my kid! I gave him the stare and he ran to the car, and as they pulled away I got the stupid card, and ripped it in front of their faces!!!
Yeah, I was mad as hell! I wanted to make them scream in pain and bleed ....I know, that is not what someone like myself should say or think, but hey, I am allowed to do so, yet, in the end, I did not go through with my thoughts. Even then, I prayed and asked God to forgive my actions, and my thoughts and words, and I cooled down later on....In the end, as we got to the tables, we could see people eating and no food! All they had was a plate of sushi!!!!
I have never been to any church event in which they run out food! I was like really!!!
I was more mad at the people there than anything else. but not my friend, mind you she was innocent of all this, I love her to death, and I am not mad at her at all, she had no idea, what we were walking into, so I am not holding her to blame in all this.
I am mad at myself for not asking more questions. and am just mad at those three jerks that almost made me do something stupid!!!!!
Btw, God has gotten mad before and even now, so, just saying.
Ok, well peace out!
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