So, life takes on its toll, after much years of confusion, lack of self esteem, and seeking the true meaning of love, by simply yearning what I saw or thought others had, in the end, I came to a place in which, I simply decided to make my heart grow cold, and never, love, nor be loved, never set out foot, from my hiding place, and trying to just get through each day.
Now, in order to not go on and on about my life, I want to let y'all know that I grew up, here, for the first 14 yrs, of my life, and the second half, I lived over in El Salvador. My parents decided to move back, and I was so against it. I wanted to stay here, and yet, in the end, my voice went unheard.
By the time my 15th birthday, came around, I was overweight, and just did not care about myself at all. My mom wanted to celebrate my 15th Birthday, big time, I did not want to.
In the end, I conceded, and she worked hard, to make the day, so grand, and spectacular, but all I wanted to do was hide. I had to wear a pink dress, which made me want to puke! And high heels, which I am against to a certain point. Most family members came out, and I had to take pictures, and in the end, I never ate and tried enjoying myself, but could not.
The presents were from make up kits to just purses and such, which I hated! When I was a tad bit younger, I had tried using make up but my adopted father was against, it, afterwards, I did not care as much. In the end, a few months after my birthday, I got abused twice, once by a school bus driver and the second time, by a family friend, who was supposedly a role model for young adults whom were," christian."
This did it for me, and I was like, " God how can this guy call himself a christian and do what he did to me?" I could have stopped believing right then and there, but I somehow felt I could not let my faith die in God quite yet, but my faith in men, died right then.
I struggled more throughout middle and highschool years, more so that I did not know spanish! In the end, I failed 8th but was bumped to 9th grade by a favor, and then failed 10th grade twice. By that point I was just tired of going to school. While in 10th grade, I got abused and was exposed as a whore, by some classmates.
After that, my parents let me go to an Art School for a year, before, my mom sent me back to 10th grade and then I finally passed, and once in 11th grade, I graduated.
School system is different from here. Anyways, by the time I got to 11th grade, I was 21 years of age. I was still overweight, and my pimples were bad, but all I thought was, make yourself as ugly as can be so the men leave you alone.
I ended realizing that the men preferred fat and overweight women verses not so chubby women, at least down there, and would get whistled at, or called out. I would get so mad, and the funny thing, my being at almost 300lbs, I still walked fast.
I returned to the states back in June of 2008. And I have lost around, 130 lbs, to date. And I have lost around, 130 lbs, to date.
Now back in May of 2000, I got to a point, in which, I started wondering, why everyone made a big deal about sex?
Tomorrow I will continue on about this point. But I have overcome many things and am continuing to move forward.
Good day to all.
Angel 4 Eternity
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