At this time, my head is hurting and I feel like crawling into bed and never getting up, but why?
I had a good weekend overall, and even had a very informal yet lovely first ever date!
That in itself was exciting indeed! And I had been reading on what to do and not do on first dates and not sure I nailed it all, but he and I were able to enjoy each others company, and I felt as if I was 14 yrs of age verses my real age. Mind you he is slighlty older than me, but his eyes sparkled, and his smile, comforted my own nerves.
Yet, today, here I am at church, feeling tired, and worn out, and mainly cause I had to wake up early to get ready and head on out and been here all day too.
I should be happy, I was, but I know what happened, something that happened today took away my joy and peace as I dwelt in negative feelings toward a person, whom I rather not be around ,or speak with as this person has never been able to respect my own space and took things the wrong way, a few years back, to the extent that I had to tell him, to stop getting in my space, and that I would never date a guy like him! I have this 7th sense, and somehow if I get bad vibes from any guy be it someone I have seen around, and all that, if I get this sense of not being able to trust him, I make sure he knows, that in order to befriend me, he needs to be careful with what he does, says or acts around me. Some guys are good at not rushing into getting me to give them a hug and such, and those I end up loosening my guard, but this one guy just never got the message and I hated him for it.
Yes, I hated his guts and have wanted to hurt him alot, yet in the end I know that I should not desire anything bad to happen to him less, my hurting him. Its a struggle, as I mentioned before I am not perfect and I sin daily; God knows my struggle in regards to this one guy. I prefer to just not talk to him at all in order to not do anything stupid.
Well, today there was this luncheon for singles that were 30 and over at church. I know the leader of this new group, and she is a lovely lady who is married herself, but just wanting to reach out to us single folk too.
He ended up showing up, and I tried being a good sport by not being rough on him, yet it was hard, after he sat in front of me.
And then this other guy whom, I have hated, loved, liked and unlike all at once shows up and he is not single, but is in a relationship with someone else, and stated that he is still single, and looked at me and I was like," Yeah, right!"
I let myself veer towards my heart without fully keeping all these thoughts and ideas coming into my head, and in the end, here I am a grumpy, sleepy, tired woman, for no reason at all.
Ok well got to go. Practice is about to start.
Later,
Angel 4 Eternity
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