Just now I was reading the following verse:
“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23NIV
I would have never thought of looking at the last part of this verse, after reading the first half and wold have thrown some type of fit in regards to why would God want us to live if we all sin daily, then that would mean no one would be left alive! Right?
Depending on how you look at this verse you might think to yourself," Is God not a Loving God?" He surely is, for His Love rescued my life from one doomed to more destruction and death, than life.
Yet, in the end, He has promised to give all of us Life within Him, if we only choose to accept and believe, that He sent Jesus, His only Son to die for our sins and redeem us through His blood.
I might not be making much sense at this time, saying all this, but I can assure you one thing, do not take these words as if I am proclaiming to be some type of super being, with powers to overcome anything.
I am as human as any of you are, and I sin daily, I will not confess my sins for all the world to see, but God knows what I struggle with each day. And I am less than a saint. Yet, before knowing His truth, I too, was blinded by the way my adopted father would use verses such as these and pay more emphasis on the part of sin leading to death. He never gave me much hope in living a life full of Love, peace and joy.
I just knew that I had sinned enough, and would keep on wondering, " If I should be dead, then why am I alive?" Well, I kept on expecting God to come down and just blow me out of this world, or worse, crush my body in a way, that I would suffer before dying.
Each day that I awoke in bed, I would wonder, " Is today the day I will die?" Well, I struggled to come to terms with the fact that God could love someone as horrible as me, and yet I would still talk to him, waiting to see if he would tell me, what to do next, but could never hear Him.
My adopted father has committed sins of his own, during his youth and even now, but I cannot account for his sins, only mine. He has lead a life, full of torment and depression, trying to control his family, in order to make sense of his. I honestly feel sorry for him. Yet, in the end, I came to realize, that no matter how hard I tried loving this man he would keep on pushing me back. So I have come to terms with the fact that this man, being the only father on this earth that I have ever known, being as imperfect as I, has had his own failings in life and I cannot force him to accept the fact that I have found the Love and Peace I always sought out in Jesus.
This man, had his own sufferings yet, that does not justify what he did to me and what he has done to our family in whole.
I have chosen to forgive him, and love him as God loves him, but more than that I cannot do. For it is God whom can reach down to this man and heal his own wounds and open his eyes to His truth.
In the end, what I have learned is that each time we sin, what dies is a part of our soul, yet we cannot sense this death so easily, when we are living within the worlds terms, of what is supposedly good and right verses not good and bad.
Once we come to that place in which we find ourselves all alone, with no way out, and no one to turn to, then and only then do we look up and cry out to God, either knowing Him or not. Yet He would prefer we not reach that place, yet we being who we are in our own human nature end up in the place anyways.
Life is full of challenges and tribulations. And one thing I keep on seeing is this:
Somehow the world, has made this conception of the fact that all whom call themselves or consider themselves Christians, will supposedly have a way out from all their troubles and suffer no more. This is entirely false. Also the fact that from night to day, one will be a total saint and never sin. It is true, that as christians we are held to a higher standard of living in the sense of being able to provide an example of living by faith. Yet, one thing everyone else needs to remember is that, no matter how much someone goes to church, attends sunday school or other events, we are still humans by all means, and we are as tempted to sin as anyone, also we are fools, I am a fool! There are those that think highly of themselves and love to go around boasting about all the good deeds they have done or how much money they have donated to charities ect... Yet we are supposed to humble ourselves and admit our own failings and recognize our sinful nature within this world.
Now, I know for sure, that Life does not get any easier following Jesus and reading His Word, and at times, it seems as if we face more tribulations than others, yet, I for one, know that, no matter how many good deeds I have ever done, none will matter if I have not done these in Love. His Love.
Once again I clarify, that yes, I am a follower of Jesus, and believe in God, yet I am no different than the man sitting next to me or the woman in front of me. I am learning to living on my own, within this world, and now am raising my daughter all alone as well.
Believe me there are many times I wish to give up and say, " I can't do this anymore!", yet God keeps on pushing me and encouraging me to go onward, no matter what.
I was dead for almost 29 years of my life, and now for the first time I feel more alive than ever before.
I wish my parents well, and hope that God can reach them and meet them where they are at now, and heal them as He has me.
My journey has barely begun and I have more to go, and overcome myself.
Daily I struggle to defy the lies that creep into my mind, reminding me of my failures ect..
Ok, have a good day,
Angel 4 Eternity
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