Changes

Well, I seem to have forgotten to give the date of birth of my baby girl.
She was born on the 23rd of April in the year, 2001. 
My life changed once she entered my life.  It was no longer, me, but her.  I put everything aside to tend to my baby girl, and give her the love, I managed to find within myself to pour into her.   Each day, I was awed by how alert, her eyes were, and how she would move her legs and arms.  The fact that she could recognize my voice, and turn seeking me out, just the little things, that at times can go unnotice, I would take it all in.
In spite of still being in the dark in regards to what my dad had done to me, I just knew I had a precious bundle I had to protect and love.
The funny thing was that my mom thought I did not love her, and one night, I had left her on my bed, drinking her bottle, as I went downstairs for the first time to eat in the kitchen area.  Call it," Mothers Intuition", or God Himself, but I felt a sense of alarm that kept on telling me to run upstairs, and I did, as I got to the door, I could see, that she was vomiting milk and was choking on the nipple of the bottle at the same time!  I ran and picked her up and wiped her nostrils and cleared her mouth to let her breathe, and she was all purple, that I put her tummy down and hit her gently, yet firmly on her back in order to get her to breathe.  Poor thing, finally screamed out, in fear, and I just held her.
  The next day, my mom's helper, yelled and screamed at me, asking why I had done such a thing, and I asked what thing?  She stated that my mom told her I had hit her hard. 
  In the end, as my daughter grew, my mom would intervene during times in which I would discipline her for something, taking away authority.
  At this point, I was made to feel as if I was failing her as a mother, and told I only thought of myself.
  So, verbal abuse came out more, and it got to the point that by the time she was 2 years old, and saw me arguing with either parent, but mainly my dad, she would get in between us, and stand firmly next to my legs, and yell," Leave Mommy!", or " NO Hit mommy!", and other times she would just scream," Mommy mine!"
  I felt bad, that she was being exposed to such negative enviroment, and it was already affecting her.  I admit that at times, I would just want to run away, but to where?
  I love my child to death, yet I felt like a total failure.
        Tomorrow, I will continue.
                  Angel 4 Eternity