Oh how it hurts, this turmoil, that comes and goes;
What is this, that has come upon me?
Is it a visit of part of sins?
What dealings have I done, with God or the Devil himself?
Oh, how I wish to be done with it all.
Yet, either I die or live.
What must I do, to overcome this darkness,
I have failed so many in so many ways...
Even if I were to find love on this earth,
Oh what a waste it will be if in the end,
I end my misery.
But what Joy can come out of all this?
I do not know, maybe you do?
I know I must learn, to trust and to love,
yet, once my heart goes, I am at it again.
Oh, this misery has overtaken me, and I am drowning yet again!
No one else is to blame, only myself and my little brain.
For who has not warned me about doing things on time,
or improving.
Now my life has placed others lives in peril.....to some extent, but not too much either.
I want to ask for help, yet at times I feel I ask too much of it.
I need to do this or not at all.
If only i could have the joy and peace needed to overcome this new trial.
So be it, so my faith may not die along with my heart.
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